KARAN ON LIFE AFTER YASH JOHAR

The first thing I used to do when I walked into the office was head straight for Dad's cabin, park myself on a chair and just chat with him. Dad used to walk into my cabin throughout the day too. So I keep feeling he's going to walk in any moment and say, 'Can I speak to you for two minutes?' He was always that polite, even with me.

Actually, I don't associate my dad so much with home as with the office. Just as my mother feels his absence at home, I miss him at work. I miss not having his hand over my head. It feels strange to see his empty cabin. To think he'll never sit there again. After Dad left us, I've met so many people I never even knew worked for us. The other day a man walked into my cabin and started speaking about my father and I thought he'd come to offer his condolences. So when he got up to leave I said, 'Thank you for coming.' With a surprised look, he replied, 'I work in your office.'
Dad spoilt me because he handled all the business aspects and left the creative area completely to me. I feel as if I've been flung into an ocean but fortunately, because of all the wonderful people around me, I'm able to swim. But I never thought I'd be doing some of the things I now have to. Earlier I would take off for three months to write my script, come back and throw around orders-I need this, and that. I never knew how to get those things nor did I care to find out. I know how to structure a film, how to budget it, how to finance it. But I'm completely useless when it comes to handling the business and administrative part. Papa realised that and when he knew his time had come, he structured the entire organisation to the best of his abilities, which were fantastic. So in that respect, things are now easy and difficult at the same time.
I've learnt to understand that in spirit at least he's around all the time. I sense him correcting my mistakes. Every time I rectify something I feel it's his guidance correcting the mistake through me.

HOME AND HEART

Dad loved my mother and me so much we were his world. I think we still are and will continue to be. I truly subscribe to the thought that when you lose a parent you gain a God up there. There is a God who rules the universe but now I also have a special God who is going to rule me, and that is my father. That is the feeling has kept me stable and helped me come to terms with his passing away. My mother is being very strong and I don't know from where she derives the strength to bear our loss. The three of us were so dependent on one another emotionally that it's difficult to cope. But there was so much love and goodwill for my father that has been transferred to my mother and me. His achievements as a human being are far greater than those as a producer and that is the best way to be remembered. It is everyone's love for him that is going to help us tide over these days and help us through the difficult years without him. We will enjoy the fruits of the tremendous goodwill he has left behind.

I can confidently say that there is no man in this industry who has the kind of goodwill my Dad had. I realised that when he passed away. People came, not just in numbers, but also with lots of love and strong emotions. And the things they said about him! Through this article I'd like to thank everyone for the love showered on us, the beautiful letters we received, the thoughts and memories they shared with me. I want to thank all my mother's friends and my friends who have stood by us.

The entire Bachchan family-Amit uncle, Jaya aunty, Shweta and Abhishek-has provided rock-solid support. Without the Chopras-Yash Uncle, Pam Aunty, Adi, Payal and Uday- I would have crumbled. And I don't know how to thank Hrithik and Suzzanne, who came every day and were with us all through.
So many people helped in different ways. What Anil Ambani did was amazing. I remember sitting near my dad in his final moments and thinking that he was one man who was always there for every single person he knew, at the time of their death. I kept wondering how I could give him the best send-off. And then Anil came like an angel; he just took over. Amit Uncle and Anil handled the whole funeral and Yash Uncle the chautha. All my friends Manish (Malhotra), Anurag, Sunita (Menon) were there for me throughout. I would especially like to mention Kajal Anand. Like me, she is the only child and loves her parents. She understands what my mother and I are going through.

And of course, Shah Rukh and Gauri have been absolutely great. Gauri has been a big support to my mother; she just held her hand right through the first 40 days. At the end of the chautha ceremony, when I was seeing off everyone, I turned around and saw Shah Rukh outside, directing the traffic to ensure that the mourners' cars could exit smoothly. He did that in memory of my dad. He's a member of my family... how much he must have loved my dad and how much he must miss him too.

Once again let me thank all the people, friends and family who have been such a support to my mother and me. I know he has seen all this respect and love and is just so happy wherever he is.