momojp18
Age: 124
Total Posts: 536
Points: 0
Location:
United States, United States
"What did u getin school son?" asked?father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"
Teacher: "Spell 'WATER',"
Girl:??"HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "That doesn't spell 'WATER',"
Girl:"Yes, it does it's all the letters from 'H 2 O'."
Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such master pieces?"
College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."
"Mum, teacher was asking me today if i have any brothers or sisters who will
be coming to school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear.
What did she say when u told her u are the only child?"
She just said, "Thank goodness!"
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "The whole body, Sir."
A school girl was having an eye test.
"Can u read out the letters on the chart on the wall?" asked the optician.
"Chart? Where?" asked the girl.
A teacher was asking her class:
"What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?"
Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan," said the teacher.?"'unlawful' is when u do something the
law doesn't allow and 'ill egal' is a sick eagle."
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE : Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct.?Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS?: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have
ten years ago.
WILLY?: Me!
SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY?????? : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
ALFRED : I get up early.
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, sir,but since I broke my promise, you don't have to keep yours.
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY?: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow".?That's what I did.
TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
DON??: I hope you didn't either.
GARY? : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR: Because of absence.
MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY?: You can't fool me, teacher.?Snakes don't have feet.
HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE????? : Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN?: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say "I am."
ELLEN?: All right. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
The principal was annoyed by the noise during the assembly program. "There
seem to be several idiots in the auditorium this morning," he snapped.
"Wouldn't it be better to hear one at a time?"?voice shouted, "Okay---you
start."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA?: A new bike.
TEACHER??? : If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another,
how many dollars
would you have?
VINCENT??? : One dollar.
TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT(sadly): You don't know my father.
TEACHER??? : If I had 7 oranges in one hand and 8 oranges in the other,
what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
TEACHER: Why are you late?
AMOS? : I lost my quarter.
TEACHER: And why are you late, Oliver?
OLIVER : I was standing on it.
"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No."
"I'm the principal's daughter."
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying
books by the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Daddy : Son, What do you want as Birthday gift ?
Son : I just want a radio dad, surrounded by a sports car.
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on #My Dog# is exactly the same as your
Brother’s. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!
Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
