Ramblings

Ive learned that life is tough and sometimes u find urself in situations that u only used to fantasize about. It is only then u realise that it was all bullsh*t....a charade..a cheap pathetic system of control that u made for urself which was indeed nothing more then complete waste of time.
I made mistakes and i paid for them . Things that seemed so "shiny" looked so pointless when i finally got them. I consolidate myself thinking it was the self , the ego , the need to be dominant , on top and in the middle .. and that the norm is people preferring to force the truth on to their side rather than be on the side of truth .. personal glorification is more glamorous and coveted than the quest and yearning and willingness to submit to the truth .. the truth that my well wishers tried so hard to show me but i had to taste everything , try everything.
Anyhow , even without the parties and the friends and the girlfriends Im forcing myself to believe life is infact beautiful , one only has to look at the beautiful parts to realize that .. some times we all spend our energies dwelling over the negative .. some times , depression becomes a subconscious choice while elation seems elusive but then again its a virtue of adversity that it often alters our perception of the life , the people and the gifts we have around us ..