Jokes!!!

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary
school. for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take
only
ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table,
was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a
note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying
to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture..
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all
grown
up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's
Michael,
He's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room whispered,
"And there's the teacher. She's dead."

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January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed.......
u....
R....
always....
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

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When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!

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If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

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During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit
on the
horse
?
He is given his last chance to run away.

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Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a

fool............

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I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............

i got a HEART ATTACK

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The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too
much, fell
into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really
works!"

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LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in
ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers

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ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

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True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

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Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

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I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

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when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ........pick d phone idiot

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Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change
it to
exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !

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The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in
love

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SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

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A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

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History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26
sir....

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the
class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

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A Sardarji and his wife are traveling by car from Key West to
Boston.
After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to
continue, and
they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take
a
room,
but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the
road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a
bill
for
350. The Sardarji explodes and demands to know why the charge is so
high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly
aren't
worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the
man
insists on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to
the
Sardarji, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized
pool and
a
huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife
to
use.
But we
didn't use them", the Sardarji complains.
Well, they are here! , and you could have," explains the Manager.
He
goes
on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which
the
hotel
is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las
Vegas
perform here," the Manager says.
But we didn't go to any of those shows," sardarji complains again.
"Well, we have them, and you could have", the Manager replies. No
matter
what facility the Manager mentions, the sardarji replies "But we
didn't
use
it". The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the Sardarji finally
gives
up
and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when the looks at the check. "But sir," he
says,
"this check is only made out for $100." "That's right,"