Airlines Jokes

-Lufthansa Airlines-

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain
:"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all
of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were
somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and
we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers
are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of
the plane.

After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply
with the captain's request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain
once again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on
the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away
from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane...
-Thank You For Flying Lufthansa- ".

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-Delta Airlines-

At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement
at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying,

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate
41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in
fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and
returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank You for
participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

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-British Airways-

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome
you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New Yorkto London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will
observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the
port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life
raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the
co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."