Stock Market Summary...

Stock Market Summary:
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Pencils lost a
few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while
escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And
batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

Three new bonds are being issued:
* Lewinsky bond: .... Has no maturity
* Gore bond: ...... Has no interest
* Clinton bond: .... Has no principle