JOKES FROM INDIA

Title: MARUTI FOR SALE

The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper. 'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked mister Santa Singh. 'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely. 'Fine,' said Santa Singh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.' 'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly. 'That's it.' 'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.' 'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Santa. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'

Title: BARGAINING

One bengali babu went to Cannought Place in New Delhi to purchase an umbrella. He had been told in Calcutta that one could bargain for better prices in Delhi also. bengali Baboo: How much does this umbrella cost? Shopkeeper: Rs. 200 bengaliBabu: Can I have it for Rs. 100? Shopkeeper: Ok I'll give it to you for Rs.150. Bangali Babu: Well can I have it for Rs. 75 then? Shopkeeper: OK, take it for Rs. 100. Bangali Babu: Can I have it for Rs. 50? Ths shopkeeper is pretty angry now: Why don't you take it for free??!! Bengali Babu: OK, can I have two of them?

Title: THE CLOSE SHAVE

laloo Prasad Yadav is getting shaved by his new barber, when he mentions about the problems he had getting a close shave around the cheeks. 'I have just the thing to solve that problem,' says the barber taking a small wooden ball from his box, 'Just place this between your cheek and gum.laloo places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave laloo has ever experienced. After a few strokes, Laloo asks in garbled speech, 'And what if I swallow it?' 'No problem,' says the barber. 'Just give it back to me tomorrow like everyone else does.'

Title: LOCAL CALL

Narasimha Rao, Mulayam Singh Yadav and Laloo Yadav died and reach hell. All 3 of them desperately feel like talking to their family members. So, when Yamaraj asks them for one last wish they say that they would want to make a phone call to their respective houses. Yamaraj says, 'OK, but you will be charged at international rates for the phone call!'. Next they make a phone call each and are then given their bill. Narasimha Rao's bill will read Rs. 50,000, Mulayam Singh's, Rs. 45,000 and Laloo's bill Rs. 1.50. Narasimha Rao and Mulayam Singh are pretty upset and think this is unfair, 'How could you charge him just Rs. 1.50?'. Yamaraj replies, 'That's because from hell to Bihar it's only a local call.'

Title: DOUBLE DECKER BUS

Once Santa and Banta happened to be together in Delhi. Having excursion tickets, they boarded a DTC double decker. Banta, finding no vacant seat in the lower deck, went to the upper deck and took a seat. He was surprised to see that there was no driver in the upper deck Showing his anxiety, he asked Santa if there was a driver in the lower deck. Promptly came the reply that there was indeed a driver. Banta than said, 'Utte te wahe guru challanda pia hia!' (God is driving this upper deck himself).

Title: EMERGENCY

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file. After more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath. The boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay. The clerk replies, 'Boss when I went to the lift it said 'during an emergency please use the staircase'!!!

Title: AMITABH'S ANSWERING MACHINE

Amitabh - Han han mein chor hun, mein bazar mein kaladhandha karta hun, police ke record mein mera naam hai. Lekin mein akela nahin hun. Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne mera baap ko chor kaha tha; Jao pahle ush admi ko msg de kar aao jisne meri maa ko gali deke naukri se nikal diya tha; jao pahle ush aadmi ko msg de kar aao jisne mere haath me yeh likh diya tha; Uske BAAD, Uske baad mere bhai tum jab chahoge tab mere m/c mein msg de dena