Welcome, then, to the Guardian’s third annual index of ineptitude, its inventory of incompetence, its hagiography of half-arsedness. As we near the end of each season it is traditional to round up the best moments of the league – best performances,
Authentic Devin Harris Youth Jersey best goals, best players etc. All of which is all well and good but tends to brush over the fact that 95% of the Premier League matchday experience is huff, puff and dross.
So this is our celebration of all the elite clubs who cannot take a throw-in without lobbing the ball directly to the opposition. Let’s raise a glass to goalkeeping howlers, teams that can’t score and players who get cautioned for taking off their shirts. Here’s a big thumbs up to those teams who can’t win from 2-0 up. Hats off, in short, to the bunglers, blunderers and bodgers.
There is an element of science to this. The boffins at Opta have provided extensive stats which we have abused with the same sort of incompetence we are cheering. For each act of Premier League ineptitude,
http://www.mavericksteamonline.com/Dirk_Nowitzki_Jersey we have awarded (a reasonably arbitrary, if we’re honest – but, hey, this won’t be the most serious analysis you’ve ever read) number of penalty points, which we’ve tallied into a rolling league table.
QPR, Burnley and Everton were the 2014-15 top three; Aston Villa, West Bromwich Albion and Norwich headed the list last season.
The throw-in is a simple business. A player can literally throw the ball to a team-mate. Even better, the opposition must be at least two metres away. At its most base level, it should be absolutely impossible to concede possession from a throw-in.
Authentic Chandler Parsons Womens Jersey Though there are cases to be made for teams hopefully throwing the ball long into the box, or hurling it optimistically into space for an onrushing attacker, there is simply no excuse for Leicester City to have thrown the ball to the opposition 297 times this season. That’s 8.5 times a game, or once every 10 minutes. What’s worse, is that they topped the list for this offence last year too, doing it 7.6 times a game, suggesting they have entirely failed to learn their lesson. They get 10 penalty points for not being able to throw a ball properly. Watford are next worst, having done it 263 times (eight-point penalty), West Brom did it 262 times (six points), Burnley 212 times (four points), Tottenham Hotspur 190 times (two points). Arsenal, who were the best at not throwing the ball directly to the opposition last year, retain their crown this year. They managed it only 71 times.
Goalkeepers kicking long is a pretty long-established tactic. But is it effective? Not really. Leicester City have lost possession from a goalkeeper’s long clearance 229 times, with Hull City (207),
http://www.authenticgrizzliestore.com/Jarell_Martin_Jersey Sunderland (196), Burnley and Watford (193 each) and West Bromwich Albion (192) next on the list. What’s interesting is the other end of the table. The best teams at keeping possession from a long clearance (or those who use the tactic more sparingly) are Manchester City, Manchester United, Chelsea, Tottenham and Liverpool – or the current top five in the Premier League table. It stands to reason, then, that hoofing it long is not your best path to success. That said, it’s not as big a crime as failing to throw the ball to a team-mate, so we’ll give five points to Leicester, four to Hull, three to Sunderland, two apiece to Burnley and Watford and one to West Brom.
