jokes

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sweetie

Age: 124
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The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"


Posted 09 Jan 2004

sweetie says
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.





Posted 09 Jan 2004

sweetie says
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."


Posted 09 Jan 2004

sweetie says
Psychiatrist phone

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, don't press anything.

If you are anal retentive, please hold.



Posted 09 Jan 2004

Ashii says
sweetie said:

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.



hawwww... sweeeetooo mottttuuuuuuuuuuu...
khekehekhehehhehee..
Posted 14 Jan 2004

madmax says
nice
Posted 16 Jan 2004

Posted 16 Jan 2004

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."
Posted 19 Jan 2004

heheheheh... good one
Posted 27 Jan 2004

lolz..nice nice..
Posted 30 Jan 2004

tarar786 says
jupiterblue said:

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Florida for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend. I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."

good one
Posted 30 Jan 2004

who said Jokes ... ?
Posted 31 Jan 2004

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Posted 09 May 2018

Posted 02 Oct 2018

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