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If you sense an act of terrorism is about to occur, drop to your knees, then curl up in a fetal position and cover your eyes. This will make it all go away.
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If you spot a terrorist, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, scream like a little girl.
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If you spot a big red arrow left by a terrorist, pin it against the door with your shoulder until authorities can be summoned.
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Remember what your mother told you: "An apple and soda a day, keeps unruly terrorists at bay."
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Jacko is a terrorist. If you spot this evil-eyed ba*****, run like the ***kens.
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If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand quietly and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.
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The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one armless hand.
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Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.
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Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy who tend to rub their hands together in a manic fashion.
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Hurricanes, animal carcasses, and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.
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If your building collapses, attempt to give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.
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If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.
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Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you !
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If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
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If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run for your life.
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If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that shit.
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A 3/4" thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.
