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a case study...

these days..we see alot of families breaking apart...due to problems between husband & wife...

esa he ek case aj kal mere pas bhi hae...i am trying my best to solve it...but i wouldn't mind getting some advice from all of u...

background:

this couple is married for almost 3.5 years. have a 2.5 years old daughter. guy's parents live in pak. gal's parents live in same city as this couple (different house though). the guy have been doing odd jobs to survive and sometimes even taking welfare (help from government for poor people) and borrowing money from friends, etc.

problem:

this couple have been seperated (not divorced...but that's where they r heading towards) for almost 2 months now. there have been ups and downs and stuff...but 2 months ago...wife finally kicked the guy out of the house they were renting and took him to court and now their case is sitting in the court. here's what both parties have to say:

guy:

i am not saying only i am at fault...or only she is at fault...we both were at fault...and my problem is my gussa...i have done things i shoudn't have done. we have gone though some tough time financially and that also contributed to my actions, but now i have found a job full time and i hope everything will be ok. i want to save my house and want to bring my wife and daughter back home and am willing to start all over. he also stated he wanted to bring his elders into the matter, but she refused to talk to anyone.

gal:

i don;t wanna stay with that guy at all, never. he have beaten me so many times, threatened me to give me divorce so many times i can't stay with a person like that. i used to respect him so much and love him lots, but i have had enough. i don't think our financial situation have to do anything with all this because i was happy with whatever he was earning. when our problems started, i tried to talk to my elders to talk to his elders, but he refused to bring elders in the matter. she also said he says now he is willing to change and compromise only to get away from court's punishment and give me more torture and stuff. he cannot change, i know the person and i hate him now, i have made up my mind. even if he changes...for how long? he will be back to his usual in month or two. i didn't wanted to break my house, but his actions have forced me. he doesn't respect my mother either, refers to her as "aurat" instead of aunty or something like that. basically i have make up my mind. i have no feelings for him anymore. i can cook for him anymore, i can;t take care of him anymore..feelings r gone. i am tired of repeating myself again and again to others and don;t wanna talk to anyone about it as there is no hope.....and i am only talking to u (myself bazigaar) cuz i respect u and trust u. ok...if u give me gurantee he will be a changed person i will go back.

myself:

i am neutral in this matter and don't want their house to break.

now...i dunno who to trust and who not to trust as some of their complains contradict each other and i offered both of them to talk in front of me, but the girl is not willing to. one thing we know for sure is...the guy have hit the girl.

so yup...trying to do a patch up between these two...any suggestions...? yes the guy was wrong in hitting her and all, but maybe we can work on it to change his attitude and stuff...and i do know the guy needs to change alot, but atleast he is willing to get back, how to i get the girl to agree? i mean i can't really give gurantee...

any questions...feel free to ask?
Posted on 11/12/2007 6:50:11 AM
I can understand that it must be very difficult for her to forgive and forget, I think the husband needs to make some kind of gesture to get back her trust.

Since he's earning now, maybe he can make some kind of saving account in their daughter's name? It would show he was serious about changing, and would always be like a garantee.
Posted on 11/12/2007 10:30:48 AM
Blue Oasis:
I can understand that it must be very difficult for her to forgive and forget, I think the husband needs to make some kind of gesture to get back her trust.

Since he's earning now, maybe he can make some kind of saving account in their daughter's name? It would show he was serious about changing, and would always be like a garantee.


acha idea hae about the savings account...

yes u r right husband needs to change...and we r trying to get him to change...per gal wapis anaay wali to banay...she is in totaly refusing...
Posted on 11/12/2007 12:38:10 PM
well, the girl has strong reasons to take the guy in the court,and her reservations about his sudden change of heart and soul are also very very justified,but as u have mentioned she needs some kind of a guarantee,reassurance and perhaps more time to think,so i think it will be wrong to pursue her to change her mind at this point.ask her to withdraw her case from the court but not to make any compromise with the guy at this point,this will provide the guy and all the wellwishers like you some time and opportunity to prove that he has truly changed for the better.3.5 years is quite some time and the girl obviously know more about him than u do,so do try to make a compromise but dont go too far in your efforts.let her decide on her own,just help her to make a good decision
Posted on 11/12/2007 12:44:54 PM
aikkkk to yeh gusssaaaaaaaa


i think the gal better decide for herself,,
jo uss ne bardasht kiya hai hum sirf sunn rahe hein,, we cant feel wot she felt
i dont think if elders will b able to take a better decision

but still hamari adnaa advice kehti hai k agar woh chahe to sirf aik last chance de apne husband ko,, only 6 months (or less)
unn 6 months mei agar husband uss pe haath uthana to door unchi awaz mei baat bhi kare to she will have all rights to break all his ribs
simple

ya to woh banda seedha ho jae ga ya khud jaan chura k bhaag jae ga
i promis im not joking,,,

saving account wali baat bhi theek hai par mujhe jitna samajh aaya gal is financialy independant...
Posted on 11/13/2007 3:17:49 PM
1. elders ko beech mai lanay se kya faida. dont think it will make any difference. agar dono ne ghar save karna hoga to khud hi kar lain gay. chahay elders chahain ya na chahain.

2. husband ko at any cost hit nahi karna chahiye tha.. knowing k he's not in pak but in a country jahan par domestic violence ko tolerate nahi kiya jata.

3. wife shud give one more chance to her hubby.. n agar wo change na ho to she has right to leave him for good.

Posted on 11/13/2007 10:11:12 PM
shahrukh khan:
lets say,,,give him three months..tu dekh ley kya banta hai..well beaten and threaten..aisey tu kaam nahi chalta na...jab marna hi tha shadi kyun ki ussey,,,



is say pehlay bhi to larki nay kitnay chance diye hon gay nah 3.5 yrs main.....k shayab ab change ho jaye ab change ho jaye.....agar us admi ki fitrat he yahi hai to phir kia change hona yaar......kuch arsay baad phir wohi kaam shuru ho jaye ga.....
Posted on 11/17/2007 11:32:39 AM
Ashii:

saving account wali baat bhi theek hai par mujhe jitna samajh aaya gal is financialy independant...


nope she is not...she is living with her parents
Posted on 11/22/2007 7:20:07 AM
shahrukh khan:
lets say,,,give him three months..tu dekh ley kya banta hai..well beaten and threaten..aisey tu kaam nahi chalta na...jab marna hi tha shadi kyun ki ussey,,,


girl manay to na..she just says..it;s over..no compromise that's it
Posted on 11/22/2007 7:20:42 AM
Ayesha:
shahrukh khan:
lets say,,,give him three months..tu dekh ley kya banta hai..well beaten and threaten..aisey tu kaam nahi chalta na...jab marna hi tha shadi kyun ki ussey,,,



is say pehlay bhi to larki nay kitnay chance diye hon gay nah 3.5 yrs main.....k shayab ab change ho jaye ab change ho jaye.....agar us admi ki fitrat he yahi hai to phir kia change hona yaar......kuch arsay baad phir wohi kaam shuru ho jaye ga.....


dat's what i am saying..ke ab kiya kerna chahye...let them break up???
Posted on 11/22/2007 7:21:14 AM
larka keh raha hae i am willing to change...but larki nahi manti ke he will change...
she says he muight change, but for how long?

so kiya karoon? let then break up??
Posted on 11/23/2007 6:10:38 AM
no progress yet
Posted on 12/6/2007 6:18:30 AM
i think larkay ko ek last chance zaroor dena chahiye,kyunki unho nay kaha k wo change ho jaeiengay,phir yeh poori zindagi ka mamla hain is baar chance day kar dekh lain.
Posted on 12/6/2007 9:46:12 AM
bazi get the girl to read this topic,phir shaid vo maan jay
Posted on 12/6/2007 5:35:23 PM
sun_shine:
i think larkay ko ek last chance zaroor dena chahiye,kyunki unho nay kaha k wo change ho jaeiengay,phir yeh poori zindagi ka mamla hain is baar chance day kar dekh lain.


wo nahi maan rahi yar...and mera un logoon se rishta larkay ke waja se hae...ab larkay walay bhi pressurizing me ke tum us se kiyoon baat ker rahay ho agar wo baat he nahi kerna chahti
Posted on 12/7/2007 7:06:08 AM
nikama:
bazi get the girl to read this topic,phir shaid vo maan jay


naa no use
Posted on 12/7/2007 7:06:19 AM
woh jo bhi kare uss ki apni zindagi hai


waise agar larki ne apne husband ki taang tori hoti
to phir kya uss k husband ko bhi sab yehi mashwara dete
k aik last chance
Posted on 12/9/2007 6:06:23 PM
Ashii:
woh jo bhi kare uss ki apni zindagi hai


waise agar larki ne apne husband ki taang tori hoti
to phir kya uss k husband ko bhi sab yehi mashwara dete
k aik last chance


yup i would
Posted on 12/9/2007 11:11:57 PM
Plz ask that girl about the future of her daughet.
usko bataoo kay agar kisi child kay parents seprate rehtey hyn to us ka child par kiya asar hota hay?

usko apni daughter kee shadee bhee karnee ha, daughter ke shadee ke time par agar boys kee family ne sirif is baat par uski daughter ko reject kardiya to phir?

ha to ye buhat ghalat baat likin haqeeqat bhee yahee hay ka hamaree society ma hamesha girls ko hee ghalat samjha jata hay chahey wo sahee ho ya nahee.

us ko bulo ke apne liye na sahee apni daughter keliye qurbanee de? (kehtey hyn ka quranee hamesha larki se hee mangee jatee hy, but ma sirif unki daughter ki waja se suggest kar raha hoon)

yahan nahee to Baroz Qayamat usko is ka buhat acha sila mile ga?

Court ke thru gaurantee dilwaoo, every month court shud check him if he is doing well or not?
Saving account is also great idea.

But khuda keliye in khatoon ka apni bahcee ke best future keliye divorce/separate nahee hona chahiye.

Posted on 12/18/2007 1:13:02 PM
larke walon ne iss waja se inkar kiya
to unn ki aisi ki taisi,, do do jhanpar laga'ain unn ko sab
aisi ghatiya family mei shadi karein hi kyun apni larki ki


waise jinn parents k beech jhagre chalte rehte hein unn k bache bhi koi khaas acha asar le k nahi baray hote


par khair
the girl shd think again,, phir usse jo sahi lage wohi faisla karay
Posted on 12/19/2007 12:53:51 AM
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