your arch enemy

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nikama

Age: 50
Total Posts: 3660
Points: 0

Location:
rawalpindi, Pakistan
Hey, you have'nt done anything to me, and so far me and you have a blank emotional connection, but for the reasonable price of £100, I will become your sworn mortal enemy. This service will include verbal physical and mental abuse, matriachal insults, and attempts on your life, and will only stop when you choose and pay me a second £100 pounds. Some people need that kind of hatred before they can really shine, and if that person is you, then I am your man!!
Posted 13 Dec 2005

nikama says
Ill of the Dead
For just £25 per week, I will speak ill of the dead. Let me know which dead person you want badmouthed, and I'll invent some scurrilous yet believable stories about their sexual deviancy/wife-beating prowess/shoplifting exploits/secret serial-killing sprees (delete as applicable), and relate said stories to at least five people per week until your money runs out. A special cut-price offer is available on g.w.bush, even though he's not dead yet. Apply for details.
Posted 13 Dec 2005

nikama says
Paranoid?
Think everyone is out to get you? Think people are talking behind your back? Well they probably are. For just £50 a week I will feed your paranoia. Every time you get the feeling that somebody is after you I will re-assure you that this is indeed the case no matter that the evidence probably says otherwise. I will also dispense advice (usually suggesting an over elaborate and violent pre-emptive strike against anyone who looks at you "a bit funny"). Three re-assurances and two pieces of advice a week maximum.
Posted 13 Dec 2005

nikama says
will let you down
For £20 I will let you down. Arrange to meet me for a drink and I will fail to show. Ask me round to help you move a wardrobe and I will not turn up. Feel free to ask for my advice, perhaps regarding trouble in your love-life and I will snigger and hang up the phone. A premium service for the discernible loser
Posted 13 Dec 2005

nikama says
I will make your life a living hell.
for exactly one week i will make your life a living hell. i will harass you, ridicule you in public and your family. i will tell you how rotten your eating habits and taste in everything are. family and media is an extra charge. i will not let you sleep a wink or finish a meal. the one stipulation is that you cannot talk during the humiliating sessions.

lots of fun and a fabulously humbling experience.

i just need my flight and accomodations taken care of and $200 spending money.
Posted 13 Dec 2005

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