once a king went for a hunting there he saw an arrow was hit exactly at the center of the circle. he said to his wizard
King: wow what a aim this man is having bring him in front of me i'll give him thousand gold coins.
the wizard send some soldeirs and they brought that same guy
King : wow what aim you have wah wah how
did u do it ?
Man : nothing your heirness it's so simple first i had hit the arrow first and then drawn the circle arround it

Jab Jab gire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi
Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi
Bheega main, lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi
Kyon na aaye teri yaad?
Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi lautai...

Na woh inkaar karti hai
Na woh ikraar karti hai
KAMBAKHT mere hi sapno mein aakar
Mere dost se pyaar karti hai.

Osama Bin Laden's favourite song :
" mainnikla, plane leke, o raste mein,
newyork mein, ik mod aya mein W.T.C. tod aaya...

Suraj Hua Madham , chand bhi chalne laga,
mein thehra raha, zamin chalne lagi,
sajna kya ye! hi! ! ! pyaar hai ??
Nalayak, yeh pyar nahi EARTHQUAKE hai ! BHAAG !

Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
Kash tumhare chere pe chicken-pox ke daag hote,
chand to tum ho hi, sitare bhi saath hote!!

Aaj didar,
kal yaar,
parso pyar,
phir ekrar,
aur phir-intzar,
phir-takrar,
phir-darar,
saari mehnat-bekar,
aur akhir mein-Ek aur devdas at beer bar !

Khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye.
Mile mujhe aur mera ho jaye.
Karu SMS ladkion ko naam tera aae.
Maar tujhe pade aur kaleja mera thanda ho jae.

Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha.
Khujli hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.
Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki.... sale ki ragon
main apna hi khoon tha!

Arz kiya hai, Door se dekha to santra tha,
pass jake dekha to santra tha,
cheel ke dekha to bhi santra tha,
Khake dekha to bhi santra tha.
Wah kya santra tha !

Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Tere dar par sanam hazaar baar aayenge,
Ghanti bajainge aur bhaag jayenge !

Jab dekha unhone tirchhi nazar se,
to hum madhosh ho gaye,
Par jab pata chala ki nazare hi tirchhi hai,
to hum behosh ho gaye...

Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
Wo to hamare ho na sake,
Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye...

dimag ke liya santhra ka juice
sahet ke liya aanar ka juice
aankho ke liya carot ka juice
khush rahane ke liya SMS kar kanjush

Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of herfirst-grade pupils.
"Johnny, what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade.My sister is in
third grade and I'm smarter than sheis! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had had enough, so she took Johnny to theprincipal's
office. The principal agreed that he would give the boy a test and if
he failed to answer any of his questions he wasto go back to the
first-grade and behave. He started by asking Johnny some simple
arithmetic.
"What is three times three?"
"Nine, Sir."
"How much is nine times six?"
"Fifty-four."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looked at Ms Brooks and said, "I think
Johnny can goto third grade! He seems smart enough." Ms Brooks said
to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and
Johnny both agreed. Ms Brooks asked,
"What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Johnny, after a moment, answered "Legs, Ma'am"
"What is in your pants that you have but I do nothave?"
"Pockets!"
"OK, what does a dog do that a man steps into?"
"Pants."
"What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,oval, delicious and
contains thin whitish liquid?"
"Coconut. !"
"What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Johnny was taking charge.
"Bubblegum!"
"What does a man do standing up, a woman does! sitting down and a dog
does on three legs?"
"Shake hands, Ma'am."
"Now for some "Who am I" sort of questions, OK? First one.
You stick your poles inside me, you tie me down to get me up, and I
get wet before you do."
Johnny, quick as ever, answered, "Tent!"
"OK, a finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first."
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense. But Johnny was on
the ball with
"Wedding Ring!"
"I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,
you feel good."
"Nose."
"Right, I have a stiff shaft, my tip penetrates, and I come with a
quiver."
"Arrow."
"Good, now for the last one. What word starts with an'F', ends in K',
and means a lot of heat and excitement?"
"Fire truck, Ma'am!"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send him to university!!!!, I got thelast ten questions wrong myself!"

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science
classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The
question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What
to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his
head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Cats can't steal it.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer.
Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He
scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He
grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive
answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.

            The Rules of Bedroom Golf



1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.

2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play
begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to
avoid damage to the hole.

6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the owner is satisfied, and then play is complete. Failure
to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole
immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take
time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to
well formed mounds and bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being
played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players
equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play
at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternate means of play when this is the case.

11. Players should assume their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly when playing a new course for the 1st
time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they
discover someone else is playing what they considered a private
course.

12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any
bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission
before attempting to play the backside.

14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared
to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting,
to play the same hole several times in one match.

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but
decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she
is old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When
he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask
this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner
would be ready in just a couple of secs."

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the
head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year
and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger
than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, France decided to do their own
study. After $250,000, and 3 years of research, they concluded
that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own
study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded
that it was to keep man's hand from flying off and hitting him in
the forehead.

A guy goes over to his buddy's house, rings the bell, but his
buddy's wife answers.

"Hi is Tony home?"

"No he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?"

"No come in."

They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the
greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks
if I could just see one."

Nora thinks about this for a second an figures what the hell - a
hundred bucks.

She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and
throws 100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and
Chris says, "They are so beautiful I got to see the both of them.
I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of
them together."

Nora thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and
gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another
100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for
Tony and he leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know your
weird friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about this for a second and asks, "Well,... did he
drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he
decided to go to the doctor.

He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In
response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting
ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a
starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home
to his wife.

At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the
two began, they found themselves in the 69 position.

The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and
fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked,
"How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well ... when I
fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my
penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in
the air!"

I knew this guy, he told me this, but I don't know if it's true.
He said that one day he was riding through North Carolina and he
saw a sign that said: "VASELINE-POWERED CAR FOR SALE." He thought
this was pretty odd, and he had plenty of time to screw off, so
he decided to follow the signs to look at the Vaseline-powered
car. He drove for about 5 miles and finally came upon a sign that
pointed up a driveway, which led back into some woods. He pulled
in and drove about half a mile and came upon a house. It looked
deserted so he blew the horn. He waited for about a minute before
an old man came out. He rolled his window down and called out to
him, "Hey! Is it true that you have a Vaseline-powered car for
sale?" The old man assured him he did and the guy asked him if he
could see it.

They walked back behind the house to an old barn. The old man
opened the double-wide barn door and there was a car sitting
under an old dirty blanket. The old man pulled the blanket off
the car and under it was a shiny red Corvette.

"1969, 369 cubic inch, 400 horsepower, 4-speed transmission," the
old man said. The guy asked him if it was true that the car ran
on Vaseline. And the old man went to the Vaseline tank and stuck
his hand inside. When he pulled it out it was covered with
Vaseline. "Care to drive it?" he asked.

As the guy snapped on his seat belt the old man said, "Don't go
too fast. Vaseline has more pick-up than regular gas. And it's
low on Vaseline, too, so don't go too far." The guy turned the
key and the car fired up and it sounded like the space shuttle
and then it settled down like a purring tiger. He found first
gear and eased out of the barn. He turned onto the hardtop and
hit second gear at 45 mph. Third at 70 and into fourth at 95. The
car felt wonderful! 110 mph and so smooth! And the pick-up was
unbelievable! He had covered 5 miles in under 3 minutes and all
of a sudden the car shut off. He coasted to a stop and got out.
To his fear, he was out of Vaseline. He started to walk.

Meanwhile, down the road...

A family had just finished supper. There was Dad, Mom, and two
daughters, one home from college, the other in high school. Dad
was telling Mom how good supper was and Mom said that since she
cooked such a fine meal that she shouldn't have to wash the
dishes. The oldest girl said that she couldn't do the dishes
because she had a date and the other said she had homework to do
and couldn't do the dishes. Dad said that he was the man of the
house and he'll be damned if he did the dishes. They argued for a
few minutes and then Dad told everybody to shut up. He said that
since they couldn't decide who would wash the dishes then what
they should do is go in the living room, sit down, and the first
person to say anything would have to do the dishes. They agreed
and moved to the living room. They sat down and stared at each
other, not speaking a word. Everybody had their mouths closed.
Nobody dared to speak. Silence filled the room. There was a knock
at the door. A few moments later, another knock. The man at the
door saw the family through the window. He knocked again but
nobody answered. He walked in.

"Hey, I knocked on your door but nobody said... Hey, food! Do you
mind if I have some?" the stranger asked. Nobody said anything.
So he went to the table and started eating. He looked in the
fridge and found some beer and asked if he could have some.
Nobody said anything. He drank three or four beers and got a
little buzz. He walked into the living room and asked Dad if he
minded if he had sex with his oldest daughter. Nobody said
anything. He took the girl in the bedroom and had sex with her.
Later, he was back at the supper table drinking more beer. He
walked back into the living room and asked Dad if he could have
sex with his youngest daughter. Nobody said anything. He took her
into the bedroom and had sex with her, too. Later, sitting at the
table, after more beer, Mom started to look pretty good. He
walked in and asked Dad if he minded if he had sex with his wife.
Nobody said anything. So he took Mom into the bedroom and had sex
with her. When he was through he walked into the living room and
stood in front of Dad. "Hey, do you have any Vaseline?" he asked
dad. And Dad said, "I'll wash the damn dishes."

************FOR MALE TEENS ONLY***********
            |____________________|



                    PLEASE




I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:

1. I do physical labour
2. I work in great depths
3. I have to go in head first
4. I do not get days off, weekends or public holidays
5. I work in a damp environment
6. I work in high temperatures
7. My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from Management:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you

have raised, the administration rejects your request for a raise
based on the following criteria:

1. You never work 8 hours straight
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team
4. You do not stay in your workstation area, often you visit
other areas
5. You take many non-scheduled breaks
6. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order for you to begin your work
7. You leave your workstation messy after your shift
8. You don't always observe OSHA measures, such as wearing the
correct protective outfits
9. You don't wait till pension before retiring
10. You don't like to work double shifts
11. You have been observed entering and leaving the work place
carrying two suspicious bags

A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going
to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at
least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She
didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra.

Halfway through the night, she had already used up one
handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other
one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed
that everyone at the table was looking at her.

"What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues.

She replied: "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!"

           GOOD GIRLS VS BAD GIRLS

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say,
"what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man... Bad girls go
after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties... Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors... Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot... Bad girls make
it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner... Bad girls make reservations

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies... Bad girls
know they could do better

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss... Bad girls
never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe they're not fully dressed without a strand of
pearls... Bad girls believe that they are fully dressed with JUST
a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food... Bad girls love Italian waiters.

Good girls prefer the missionary position... Bad girls do too-
when acting out a "virgin" fantasy.

Good girls pack their toothbrush... Bad girls pack their
diaphragms.

Good girls save for a rainy day... Bad girls save for a Chanel
suit.

Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it... Bad
girls own only one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wear high heels to work... Bad girls wear high heels
to bed.

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a
romance... Bad girls think NO place is the wrong place.

Good girls have stocks... Bad girls have stockbrokers.

Good girls collect silk shirts... Bad girls collect chiffon
teddies.

Good girls just say no... Bad girls just say when.

Good girls never do "it" on the first date... Bad girls wait to
see what kind of car he's driving.

Good girls read best-sellers... Bad girls sleep with their
authors.

Good girls write condolence notes... Bad girls marry the widower.

Three men were digging a hole when they found a lamp. The first
man rubbed it and out popped a genie. He said, "Poof, I will
grant each of you one wish."

The first man said, "I wish to be smart and handsome."

The genie's reply, "Poof you're a lawyer."

The second man said, "I wish to be twice as smart and twice as
handsome.

"Poof, you're a doctor."

The third man said, "I wish to be three times as smart and three
times as handsome."

"Poof, you're a woman."

      JADOO KA LAMP

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an
old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah
blah blah blah! This is the fourth time this month and I'm
getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about
three of them. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've
always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get
very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can
drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the
logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom
of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete ... how much steel!
No, think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My
wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So,
I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside
and what they're thinking when they give me the silent
treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want
when they say 'nothing'... know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?"

WHY COFEE IS BETTER THAN WOMEN

1. You don't have to put cream in your coffee to make it
     taste good.
2. Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream in it.
3. A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
4. You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
5. You can always warm coffee up.
6. Coffee comes with endless refills.
7. Coffee is cheaper.
8. You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3 AM.
9. Coffee never runs out.
10. Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
11. You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
12. You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
13. You can smoke while drinking coffee.
14. You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
15. Coffee smells and tastes good.
16. You don't have to put vinegar in your coffee.
17. If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper
     towel.
18. You can always get fresh coffee.
19. You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot
     when you get back.
20. They sell coffee at police stations.
21. You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
22. Coffee goes down easier.
23. If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on
     weight.
24. No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of
     coffee.
25. A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter.
26. Your coffee doesn't talk to you.
27. Coffee smells good in the morning.
28. Coffee is good when it's cold too.
29. Coffee stains are easier to remove.
30. Coffee doesn't care when you dunk things in it.
31. Coffee doesn't care what kind of mood you're in.
32. Coffee doesn't shed.
33. Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
34. You can't get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in
     it.
35. Coffee doesn't mind being ground.
36. No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it
     better.
37. Coffee doesn't have a time of the month...it's good all
     the time.
38. When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
39. When you have a coffee, you don't end up with a pube in
     the back of your throat.
40. Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
41. Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to
     have a cup.
42. INSTANT COFFEE!
43. You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
44. It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mold.
45. Your coffee won't be jealous of a larger cup.

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game.
During the game, the guys notice that the girl knows just as much
about the game as they do, and they're really impressed.

After the game they ask her, "How is it that you know so much
about baseball?"

She replies, "Well, I used to be a guy and had a sex change
operation."

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What
was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut
off your penis?" one of them asked.

"That was very painful, but it was not the most painful part."

"Was it when they cut off your testicles?"

"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."

"Well, what was the most painful part?" one of the other guys
inquired.

"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in
half!"

Sardar Ji: I havent slept all night in the train.

Friend: why?

Sardar Ji: Got upper berth.

Friend: Why didnt you exchange seats?

Sardar Ji: oye there was nobody to exchange with in
the lower berth..