Coalacanth
>
>Sardarji is buying a TV.
>
>"Do you have color TV's ?"
>
>"Sure."
>
>"Give me a green one, please."
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Sardarji calls Air India.
>
>"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar ?"
>
>"Just a sec Sir," says the rep.
>
>"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>EMPLOYMENT..
>
>Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a
>
>job.
>
>He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE,
>
>ADDRESS etc.
>
>Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" :
>
>He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
>
>After much thought he wrote : Yes
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>CROCODILE BOOTS..
>
>Sardarji proposes to a woman.
>
>She says "Yes, if you bring me a pair of crocodile
>
>boots."
>
>He sets off to Africa and disappears.
>
>Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting
>
>crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks
>
>over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
>
>"71st and again barefeet!"
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
>
>He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
>
>The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
>
>The sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
>
>The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and
>
>it keeps cold things cold."
>
>The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
>
>The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
>
>His sardar boss sees him and asks,
>
>"What is that shiny object with you?"
>
>He said,"It's a thermos flask."
>
>The boss then says, "What does it do?"
>
>He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things
>
>cold."
>
>The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
>
>The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
>
>home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later
>
>disconnected it because he was getting complaints like
>
>"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
>
>He will compare it with the original for spelling
>
>mistakes !!
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional
>
>white
>
>sheet of paper ? (he already has one and he wants one
>
>more..)
>
>He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
>
>fighters.
>
>They were planning for free Punjab.
>
>Santa Singh raised a point,
>
>"Oh.. we'll get Punjab from India but how would we
>
>develop it?"
>
>That was a difficult question indeed.
>
>Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem!
>
>We'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we
>
>would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get
>
>developed." All the surds became happy on this very
>
>simple
>
>solution, but an old surd did not utter a single word.
>
>Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
>
>The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT... WHAT
>
>WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a
>
>bargain.
>
>"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the
>
>salesman.
>
>"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
>
>He hurried home removed his turban and changed his
>
>hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
>
>"I would like to buy this TV."
>
>"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
>
>"Damn, he recognized me," he thought.
>
>He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut
>
>and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then
>
>waited a few days before he again approached the
>
>salesman.
>
>"I would like to buy this TV."
>
>"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
>
>Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a
>
>Sardar ?"
>
>"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
>
>Because below 18 was not allowed.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
>
>Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at
>
>you?
>
>Pull the pin and throw it back.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
>
>Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his
>
>mouth.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
>
>Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
>
>tightly over his ears?
>
>Trying to hold on to a thought.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Why do Sardars work seven days a week ?
>
>So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Why can't Sardars make ice cubes ?
>
>They always forget the recipe.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>How did the Sardar try to kill the bird ?
>
>He threw it off a cliff.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear ?
>
>A wind tunnel.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes ?
>
>The back of his head.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer ?
>
>Jus(t)-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What do you call a sardar who has only one drink ?
>
>Jus(t)-one Singh ('T' silent!).
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms ?
>
>They think their picture is being taken.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes ?
>
>Toes Go In First.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax ?
>
>It has a stamp on it.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Why can't Sardar dial 911 ?
>
>They can not find the eleven on the phone.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>How do you get Sardar on the roof ?
>
>Tell him the drinks are on the house.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>"Oh, look at the dead bird."
>
>Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?"
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common ?
>
>You always hear about them but you never see them.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman
>
>as opposed to a regular one ?
>
>You have to hollow out the head.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>TO LOSE WEIGHT..
>
>The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
>
>kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34
>
>kilos.
>
>At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to
>
>report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
>
>"What's the problem ?"asked the doctor.
>
>"I'm 2400 kms from home".
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
>
>Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway
>
>station.
>
>Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
>
>Ludhiana ?"
>
>"No," answers the Railway man.
>
>"Can I ?" asks Gani Singh.
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
>
>Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat
>
>when his friend asks him "Kyon sardarji, kya baat hai
>
>?
>
>Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai".
>
>Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai
>
>ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata".
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
>
>tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with
>
>him.
>
>Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai. ye sab kyon
>
>leke baithe ho ?". Sardarji replies "Saali train late
>
>aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun".
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
>
>sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on
>
>the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
>
>arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for
>
>20 rupees, the sardarji deserved more service. So,
>
>when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly
>
>shaved off his beard. When the station arrived,
>
>the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
>
>Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly
>
>screamed when he saw the mirror.
>
>Said his wife " What's the matter ?".
>
>Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20
>
>rupees and woken up someone else".
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
>
>knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him
>
>and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you
>
>thanking God for ?". The sardarji replied "I'm
>
>thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding
>
>the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been
>
>missing too."
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Sardarji got the 4th child.
>
>He fills data in the birth certificate
>
>"Mother : Sikh.
>
>Father : Sikh.
>
>Kid : Chinese."
>
>"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
>
>Sikh?"
>
>"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every
>
>3rd person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
>
>the outer space.
>
>The ground control issues commands.
>
>"Rubi !"
>
>"Woof !" ( its the barking sound )
>
>"Press the red button."
>
>"Woof ! Woof !"
>
>"Moti !"
>
>"Woof !"
>
>"Press the white button."
>
>"Woof ! Woof !"
>
>"Sardarji !"
>
>"Woof."
>
>"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything
>
>!"
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
>
>Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.
>
>They managed to get into a double-decker bus.
>
>Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat,
>
>but unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
>
>After a while when the rush was over, Santa went
>
>upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta
>
>in a bad condition clutching the seats in front
>
>with both hands, scared to death.
>
>He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on
>
>?
>
>Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down
>
>there ?"
>
>Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
>
>* * * * * * * *
>
>Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
>
>The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears
>
>and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone
>
>rang - but instead of picking up the phone I
>
>accidentally
>
>picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
>
>"OhDear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
>
>"But.. what happened to your other ear ?".
>
>"The scoundrel called back".
>
>
>
>End of "The Complete Sardarji Encyclopaedia"
>
Posted on 11/1/2002 7:56:49 PM
