HEAVEN IS WHEN YOU HAVE : An American Salary A British Home
Chinese Food An Pakistani Wife
HELL IS WHEN YOU HAVE : An American Wife British Food A Chinese Home An Pakistani Salary
Pathans on the moon What do you call 1 Pathan on the moon?... Problem...
What do you call 10 Pathan on the moon?... Problem...
What do you call a 100 Pathan on the moon?... Problem...
What do you call all the Pathans on the moon?...
................ Problem Solved!
Return of Sardar jii (Jokes)
Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids? So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
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A Sardar, a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down,
because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the seat, and the Sardar took the door. After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid." Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?" So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door. The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
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Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"? He didn't know which "one" came first...
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Did you hear about the Sardar skydiver? He missed the Earth!
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Santa and Banta r two friends and Santa Singh has very good job. Banta singh is jobless. One day asks Santa for some good Job. Santa Singh says, OK. Next time we will apply together and they do. On interview day,
Santa Singh says, first i will go inside and answer all questions except last one, and after coming out, I would give u the all answers and questions. So u go and then answer there. U will get the Job. So, Santa goes in. EMPLOYER : When we got independence? SANTA : Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947. EMPLOYER : Good. Who is our PM? SANTA : It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee. EMPLOYER : OK. What's India's population? SANTA (He was not to reply last one so he says): Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir. Now he comes out and tell questions and answers to Banta Singh. Banta singh was real SARDAR and he remembers all answers and forgot questions. He goes in Now. EMPLOYER : When were u born? BANTA : Efforts started in 1857, but got freedom in 1947. EMPLOYER : What???? Who is your father? BANTA : It changes daily and these days its Atal Bihari Vajpayee. EMPLOYER : Employer is upset now. Are u Mad Mr. Banta?
BANTA : Good Question, Research is going on, and when i know, i will tell u Sir.
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A Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Sardar walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Sardar too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
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The Sardarji Doctor to his patient: "It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."
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One foggy evening two Sardarjis went out walking. One of the Sardarji was holding a flashlight, and suddenly he said to his friend: "Why don't you just climb up this light-beam when I am holding the flashlight upwards like this?" His friend looked at him and answered, "No, I can't do that Because if I did, you would just turn off the light, and I would fall down."
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The Sardarji doctor was so afraid of bacteria, that he cooked his ice-cubes before he put them in his drink.
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Ek baar ki baat hai...... sardar banta singh ko ek ladka hua....... but 4-5 salon ke baad wo apne baap se ajeeb-o-garib question puchhne laga...... viz, suraj east se hi kyon ugta hai??? prithvi suraj ke chakkar kyon lagata hai???..... ye sab sawal sun kar banta singh bahut pareshanho gaye....... unhone apne bete ko doctor ke paas le gaye...... doctor chhote sardar ko examine karne ke baad bola,sardarji generally sardaron ke paas to aadha dimaag hota hai but aapke ladke ke paas pura dimaag ho gaya hai...... sunte hi sardarji bole ki iska bhi aadha dimaag kat do...... doctor bola tab to operation karna hoga...... sardarji bole thik hai kar do........ operation theatre ke bahar sardarji ghum rahe the, pareshan hokar aur andar me operation chal raha tha...... operation ke baad doctor bahar nikla to sardarji ne operation ke bare me puchha....... doctor ne bola,sardarji bahut badi gadbadi ho gayihai.......
sardarji ne puchha kya hua???....... doctor bola:uska galati se maine pura dimaag nikal diya...... sunte hi sardar ji ander bhage o.t. room me....... sardar ji apne bete ko dekhkar bole: kaise ho mere puttar...... aawaz sunkar uske bete ne aankh khola aur unhe dekhkar bola: AAMAR BADI KOTHAY AACHHE??? With all respect to my Bengali freinds..........
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There were these two Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.
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Boss tells his new employee, "Santa Singh, I'll give you 10 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 20 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?"Santa replied, "In 3 months."
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Q How can you recognize a surd in a submarine? A He is the one with the parachute on his back.
Teacher & Student Jokes
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I." ELLEN: I is... TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am." ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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WARMTH OF LOVE said:
nice work
QUEENY JI AAP KAHAN KAAM KARTI HOOO>>>>>>>>>>> JO ADMIN JI AAP KO KEH RAHAY HAIN K NICE WORK>>>>>>>AAP BHI ACHAA KAAM KAR LAITI HAIN KIA>>>>>>>>>>>>REALLY> ;>>>>
QUEEN VICTORIA
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One man read a board 'likhane wala briliant, padhane wala idiot.." Man becomes engry, he rub board and writes, "padhane wala briliant, likhnewala idiot...."
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe honge.... think............. "SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI HAI"
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CINTON & MORI
A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US Prime Minister Mori of Japan was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton. The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should say 'I am fine,and you ? Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is .... When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?". Mr Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..." Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha..."
------------------------------------------------------------ -------------------------------- A Chinese
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you're all the same."
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The Boss A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."
Time SURD: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" MAN: "It's 3:15." SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
The PCO A man went to a place and asked a man where was the PCO(Public Call Office) The man pointed his finger and said: "Over There" He said "Okay, Thank You". then he went into the PCO. He took out his mobile. Then talked on it and then came out of the PCO. The person who was at the PCO got surprised. He went out and asked him that when you already had a mobile then why did u come and talk on it in the PCO. He said "Because my freind said that if you talk from the PCO, then your bill will come less"
Village Man One upon a time there man in village have learn alphabets A to Z and meet from one person who come from city ask him what u have done ? he said i have done BA village man said u have learn a wrong alphebets.
The Burnt Ears One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages. He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear." The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?" He said "That same stupid guy called again"
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A Pathan go to a store and sees a shining object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Pathan then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Pathan says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Pathan boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Pathan replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
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What will a Pathan do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
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What will a Pathan do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper? (he already has one and he wants one more..) ---He takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!
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Pathan went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to Pathan" he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Pathan," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Pathan," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Pathan?" "Because that's a microwave, Not a TV" he replied.
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Why did 18 Pathan go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.
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How do you make a Pathan laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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Why can't Pathan make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
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Why does Pathan always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
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How can you tell when Pathan sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
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Shakir Khan & Jazbat Khan are in a railway station. Jazbat khan asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Quetta?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Shakir Khan.
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A Pathan goes to see the Movie "Jurassic Park" and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "Kyon Khan Sahab, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Pathan replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
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Pathan got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Pathan. Father: Pathan. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Pathan?" " Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
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Khushall Khan & Kaka Rori landed up in London. They managed to get into a double-decker bus.Khushall Khan somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Kaka Rori got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Khushall Khan went upstairs to see friend Kaka Rori. He met Kaka in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Kaka Rori ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Kaka replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
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A Pathan goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Khan Sahab , aap kya kar raheho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".
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Once Kaka Rori broke his leg when he threw his cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to step on it
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Kaka Rori tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?" "That's a good match. I'll use it again."
Kaka Rori buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our Pathan says, "I want my $20 million."The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." Kaka said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. Pathan, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"
A Pathan was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over him. The Pathan says, "It is good that cows don't fly"
A Pathan,a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the seat, and the Pathan took the door. After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, can drink the fluid." Next the Pathan asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?" So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the Japanese asked the Pathan why he had chosen the door. The Pathan quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
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Once a Sardar jee went to America, He was totally uneducated (un'parh). One day he went to a beach for enjoyment. Now while he was lying upon his chair at the beach an american came to him and said "Are you relaxing" Sardar Jee replied immediately, "No No, I am Santa Singh" After some time another american came and said, "Are you relaxing". this time sardar Jee replied angrily, "NOOOO... i am SANTA Singh" The third time a girl came said, "are you relaxing?" Sardar jee had enough of it already, he decided to change this place to have a more peaceful enviornment He settled his seat to a bit silent place on the beach, where another Sardar jee was also lying on his chair. After sometime Santa singh decided to ask this guy who was already lying there, Santa Said, "Oyee..Are you relaxing..." Now... the other sardar jee was educated, so he replied easily "Yes...I am relaxing" ..... Now Santa Singh placed a punch upon his face and said "Oye 'RelaxSingh' tou aithay laita howa hey..saray teinu othay puchday pay nein" (Oye 'RelaxSing' you are lying damn here and everyone is asking for you over there)..
