GOOD GIRLS VS BAD GIRLS

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say,
"what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man... Bad girls go
after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties... Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors... Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot... Bad girls make
it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner... Bad girls make reservations

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies... Bad girls
know they could do better

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss... Bad girls
never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe they're not fully dressed without a strand of
pearls... Bad girls believe that they are fully dressed with JUST
a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food... Bad girls love Italian waiters.

Good girls prefer the missionary position... Bad girls do too-
when acting out a "virgin" fantasy.

Good girls pack their toothbrush... Bad girls pack their
diaphragms.

Good girls save for a rainy day... Bad girls save for a Chanel
suit.

Good girls own only one credit card and rarely use it... Bad
girls own only one bra and rarely use it.

Good girls wear high heels to work... Bad girls wear high heels
to bed.

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a
romance... Bad girls think NO place is the wrong place.

Good girls have stocks... Bad girls have stockbrokers.

Good girls collect silk shirts... Bad girls collect chiffon
teddies.

Good girls just say no... Bad girls just say when.

Good girls never do "it" on the first date... Bad girls wait to
see what kind of car he's driving.

Good girls read best-sellers... Bad girls sleep with their
authors.

Good girls write condolence notes... Bad girls marry the widower.

A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going
to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at
least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She
didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra.

Halfway through the night, she had already used up one
handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other
one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed
that everyone at the table was looking at her.

"What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues.

She replied: "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!"

I knew this guy, he told me this, but I don't know if it's true.
He said that one day he was riding through North Carolina and he
saw a sign that said: "VASELINE-POWERED CAR FOR SALE." He thought
this was pretty odd, and he had plenty of time to screw off, so
he decided to follow the signs to look at the Vaseline-powered
car. He drove for about 5 miles and finally came upon a sign that
pointed up a driveway, which led back into some woods. He pulled
in and drove about half a mile and came upon a house. It looked
deserted so he blew the horn. He waited for about a minute before
an old man came out. He rolled his window down and called out to
him, "Hey! Is it true that you have a Vaseline-powered car for
sale?" The old man assured him he did and the guy asked him if he
could see it.

They walked back behind the house to an old barn. The old man
opened the double-wide barn door and there was a car sitting
under an old dirty blanket. The old man pulled the blanket off
the car and under it was a shiny red Corvette.

"1969, 369 cubic inch, 400 horsepower, 4-speed transmission," the
old man said. The guy asked him if it was true that the car ran
on Vaseline. And the old man went to the Vaseline tank and stuck
his hand inside. When he pulled it out it was covered with
Vaseline. "Care to drive it?" he asked.

As the guy snapped on his seat belt the old man said, "Don't go
too fast. Vaseline has more pick-up than regular gas. And it's
low on Vaseline, too, so don't go too far." The guy turned the
key and the car fired up and it sounded like the space shuttle
and then it settled down like a purring tiger. He found first
gear and eased out of the barn. He turned onto the hardtop and
hit second gear at 45 mph. Third at 70 and into fourth at 95. The
car felt wonderful! 110 mph and so smooth! And the pick-up was
unbelievable! He had covered 5 miles in under 3 minutes and all
of a sudden the car shut off. He coasted to a stop and got out.
To his fear, he was out of Vaseline. He started to walk.

Meanwhile, down the road...

A family had just finished supper. There was Dad, Mom, and two
daughters, one home from college, the other in high school. Dad
was telling Mom how good supper was and Mom said that since she
cooked such a fine meal that she shouldn't have to wash the
dishes. The oldest girl said that she couldn't do the dishes
because she had a date and the other said she had homework to do
and couldn't do the dishes. Dad said that he was the man of the
house and he'll be damned if he did the dishes. They argued for a
few minutes and then Dad told everybody to shut up. He said that
since they couldn't decide who would wash the dishes then what
they should do is go in the living room, sit down, and the first
person to say anything would have to do the dishes. They agreed
and moved to the living room. They sat down and stared at each
other, not speaking a word. Everybody had their mouths closed.
Nobody dared to speak. Silence filled the room. There was a knock
at the door. A few moments later, another knock. The man at the
door saw the family through the window. He knocked again but
nobody answered. He walked in.

"Hey, I knocked on your door but nobody said... Hey, food! Do you
mind if I have some?" the stranger asked. Nobody said anything.
So he went to the table and started eating. He looked in the
fridge and found some beer and asked if he could have some.
Nobody said anything. He drank three or four beers and got a
little buzz. He walked into the living room and asked Dad if he
minded if he had sex with his oldest daughter. Nobody said
anything. He took the girl in the bedroom and had sex with her.
Later, he was back at the supper table drinking more beer. He
walked back into the living room and asked Dad if he could have
sex with his youngest daughter. Nobody said anything. He took her
into the bedroom and had sex with her, too. Later, sitting at the
table, after more beer, Mom started to look pretty good. He
walked in and asked Dad if he minded if he had sex with his wife.
Nobody said anything. So he took Mom into the bedroom and had sex
with her. When he was through he walked into the living room and
stood in front of Dad. "Hey, do you have any Vaseline?" he asked
dad. And Dad said, "I'll wash the damn dishes."

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he
decided to go to the doctor.

He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In
response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting
ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a
starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home
to his wife.

At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the
two began, they found themselves in the 69 position.

The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and
fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked,
"How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well ... when I
fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my
penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in
the air!"

A guy goes over to his buddy's house, rings the bell, but his
buddy's wife answers.

"Hi is Tony home?"

"No he went to the store."

"Well, you mind if I wait?"

"No come in."

They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the
greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks
if I could just see one."

Nora thinks about this for a second an figures what the hell - a
hundred bucks.

She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and
throws 100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and
Chris says, "They are so beautiful I got to see the both of them.
I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of
them together."

Nora thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and
gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another
100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for
Tony and he leaves.

A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know your
weird friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about this for a second and asks, "Well,... did he
drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the
head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year
and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger
than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, France decided to do their own
study. After $250,000, and 3 years of research, they concluded
that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own
study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded
that it was to keep man's hand from flying off and hitting him in
the forehead.

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.
She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but
decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she
is old enough to get a straight answer.

He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When
he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask
this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner
would be ready in just a couple of secs."

            The Rules of Bedroom Golf



1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally
one club and two balls.

2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.

4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play
begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to
avoid damage to the hole.

6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the owner is satisfied, and then play is complete. Failure
to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole
immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take
time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to
well formed mounds and bunkers.

8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being
played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players
equipment for this reason.

9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.

10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play
at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course
temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternate means of play when this is the case.

11. Players should assume their match has been properly
scheduled, particularly when playing a new course for the 1st
time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they
discover someone else is playing what they considered a private
course.

12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any
bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.

13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission
before attempting to play the backside.

14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared
to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.

15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting,
to play the same hole several times in one match.

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science
classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The
question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What
to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his
head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Cats can't steal it.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer.
Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He
scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He
grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive
answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.

once a king went for a hunting there he saw an arrow was hit exactly at the center of the circle. he said to his wizard
King: wow what a aim this man is having bring him in front of me i'll give him thousand gold coins.
the wizard send some soldeirs and they brought that same guy
King : wow what aim you have wah wah how
did u do it ?
Man : nothing your heirness it's so simple first i had hit the arrow first and then drawn the circle arround it

An Pakistani, American & japanees sitting
American said,"We can fly plane top of the sky"
Japan: on top?
Am: Not so high,little below.
Japanise: We can jump in the hieght of a coconut tree.
American: Is it?
Japa:Not so high little below
Pakistani: We can eat through nose
Japan: Through nose?
Pakistani:little below

Tumse mila main kal to,
mere dil mein hua ek sound,
Lekin aaj tum mili to kehti ho:
Your file not found!



Aisa bhi nahin hai ke,
I don't like your face
Par dil ke computer mein,
nahin hai enough disk space



Ghar se nikalti ho tum jab,
pehen ke evening gown
Too many requests se,
ho jaata hai server down



Tumhaare liye pyaar ki application,
create main karoonga
Tum usse debug karna,
wait main karoonga



Tumhaara intezaar karte karte,
main so gaya
Yeh dekho mera connection,
time out ho gaya

once one sardarji went to his wife and asks her tell me a joke in which i have not involved in that .
and his wife replies that i am pregnant

Nahin mera dhyaaaan kahin aur hai aap kahiye
>
> Aji suniye to sahi
>
> Arz kiya hai (vah vah )
>
> Arz kiya hai
>
> Vo bhi kya din the
>
> Kyon bhai aaj raat hai kya
>
> Are janab suniye to sahi
>
> Vo bhi kya din the
>
> Ab jara age badenge
>
> Vo bhi kya din the jab ladkiyan hamain diwani hokar kiss kiya karti
> thi
>
> Kamal ho gaya bhai hum mar gaye the kya
>
> Age suniye abhi to shuruat hai
>
> Vo bhi kya din the jab ladkiyan hamain diwani hokar kiss kiya karti
> thi
>
> Lagta hai bad main sudhar gayi
>
> Vo bhi kya din the jab ladkiyan hamain diwani hokar kiss kiya karti
> thi
>
> Par hai re hamari phuti kismat
>
> Vo to hai
> Kya kismat phuti
>
> Are pura to suniye
>
> Vo bhi kya din the jab ladkiyan hamain diwani hokar kiss kiya karti
> thi
>
> Par hai re hamari phuti kismat
>
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
>
>
> Ki uss waqt hum 2 saal ke hua karte the
>
> (wah wah )
>

what is the difference between a coin and a snake?
ANSWER
BOTH COIN AND A SNAKE HAVE A HEAD AND A TAIL BUT NO LEGS

     

Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon



dekhta rehta hai."



Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."

One sardarji while driving a car,asking to other sardarji,"O prajji do u want a lift"?
the second one replies: No thanks,I am staying at the ground floor.