A man walks into a barber shop and asks; "how much for a hair cut?" The barber said $12.50. The man asks; "and how much for a shave?" The barber said $1.50. The man then says SHAVE IT ALL.
Rehan M Din
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~tasha~ said:
once prince charles and sardar having dinner prince said: pass the vine you divine! sardar thinks how poetic, sardar says: pass the custard you bastard.
(¯`°Ajnabee°´¯)
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Rehan M Din said:
~tasha~ said:
once prince charles and sardar having dinner prince said: pass the vine you divine! sardar thinks how poetic, sardar says: pass the custard you bastard.
Miss mine
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~tasha~ said:
once prince charles and sardar having dinner prince said: pass the vine you divine! sardar thinks how poetic, sardar says: pass the custard you bastard.
eshajam
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A girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!�
The priest inquired:Why must you pray so, my child?
Girl:That what I ve written in my answer sheet in the examination!
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At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out,Watch out for the wall!
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A man in a supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating softly, "Keep calm, Thomas. Don't get excited, Thomas. Don't yell, Thomas."
A lady watched with admiration and then said, "You are certainly to be commended for your patience in trying to quiet little Thomas."
"Lady," he declared, "I'M THOMAS!"
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A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning. Her husband replied Well, lots of dogs can do that. The wife responded, But we've never subscribed to any papers!!!
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The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, "then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?" "Yes, your honor." "And why was that?" "Because my wife wanted a dress." The judge check with his records, "But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!" "Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times."
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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again.
Santa replies, 'I am coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.'
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Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: 'What are you searching for?'
Santa: 'Hidden camera!'
Jasmeet: 'And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here?'
Santa: 'That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?'
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Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It is very kind of you, darling, But I do not have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we are not married yet.
eshajam
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Queen Elizabeth, Clinton & Sharoon died & went straight to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Five million dollars"
She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Clinton was soo jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"
He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Ten million dollars"
With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
Sharoon was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Israil too, I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody of my Parliment".....
He called Israil and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Twenty dollars".
Sharoon is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??"
The devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it's local".
(¯`°Ajnabee°´¯)
Age: 124
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A Police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
eshajam
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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce?
She is going to kill me.
What makes you think that?
I got proof.
What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read and It say Polish Remover.
Husband apni wife ka janaza le ker ja raha tha. Jana k aag 1 kutta or pche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi, Ek aadmi aakar pochta he,”Bhai yeh sab howa kaise?” Husband: Is kutte ne kaat liya tha meri biwi ko… Aadmi: Yeh kutta ek din k liye mujhey dedo Husband: peeche line mein lag jao…
Husband apni wife ka janaza le ker ja raha tha. Jana k aag 1 kutta or pche aadmiyon ki lambi line thi, Ek aadmi aakar pochta he,”Bhai yeh sab howa kaise?” Husband: Is kutte ne kaat liya tha meri biwi ko… Aadmi: Yeh kutta ek din k liye mujhey dedo Husband: peeche line mein lag jao…
~tasha~
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A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing. As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there. Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?". "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"
*****
Doctors Meeting.... A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed. The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want." The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me." The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret....
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
*****
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
