Gram Massala ( Jokes )

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tarar786

Age: 124
Total Posts: 2636
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Location:
China, China
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes I do." she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes I remember."

"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes I do", she replied.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
Posted 29 Jul 2003

tarar786 says
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy sh*t! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Posted 13 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Little Johnny brought a box wrapped with a red ribbon to school, as a present for his teacher. He handed it to her.

She started to guess what was inside. "Chocolates?" she asked.

"Nope."

"A Cake?"

Johnny shook his head No.

Then the teacher noticed some liquid dripping from the corner of the box. She caught a few drops on her finger, put the finger in her mouth then said, "Ah, I know-dill pickles."

"No," Johnny said, "it's a puppy."
Posted 13 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

Little Johnny: Big hands!
Posted 13 Feb 2004

ymahmood says
SALL said:

heheehehheheee..
gooood one chura uncle uncle.. oupsss tarar uncle..



Posted 16 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Running for Office

George W. Bush was out jogging one morning when he tripped, fell over a bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says

A man has six children and is very proud of ...

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband shouts back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says

There was a young girl who loved to wear dresses everyday to school.
One day a boy asked her to climb the flag pole for a box of cookies.

She climbed the pole and all the boys in the schoolyard could clearly see her underpants.

When she got home she bragged to her mother that she got a box of cookies for climbing a flag pole. The mother knew that the kids just wanted to see her underpants so she told the girl not to climb the pole again.

Of course the little girl didn't believe her mom and the next day the boy asked her to climb the pole for a box of candy. She did and they all saw her underpants and laughed.

When she went home she told her mother the news. Her mother was angry. She told the girl she shouldn't climb the pole. She told her, "They just want to see your underpants and if you climb the pole again your grounded!"

The next day the same boy asked her to climb the pole for more goodies, so up the pole she went.

When she came home she told her mother what she got for climbing the pole and her mother went ape. "I told you they only wanted to see your underpants!" she raged.

"But mommy", the little girl answered, "this time I was smart enough not to wear any."
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
What do Michael Jackson and plastic bags ...

What do Michael Jackson and plastic bags have in common?
They are both made out of plastic and are dangerous for children to play with.
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Definitely

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY sh*t my pants..."
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Birdman

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
What Are Politics?

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."

So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."

"You do? Tell me."

"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
God''''s Identity

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God. He goes up to his mother and asks, "Well, son, he''''s a boy and a girl"
Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he''''s black and white."

So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"

Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well ,son, he''''s black and white."

So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn''''t know that God was Michael Jackson!"
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarar786 says

A wrinkle in time

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?"
"Yes," the grandpa replied.

"Did God make you too?"

"Yes," the grandpa said.

"Well," the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, "He sure is doing a better job nowadays!"
Posted 18 Feb 2004

tarash says
hahahahahahaha
Posted 21 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Thanks, mere Khayal mein aap k aur kabi kabi sal kay alawa koi bhi meri jokes naheen pardna chahta.
Posted 21 Feb 2004

Ashii says
jii nahi tarar uncle.. i think parhte sab hein but as they cant comment on 10 jokes at a time to bass iss liye
chupke chupke hanste hein



abhi i cant tell which one made me laff
Posted 21 Feb 2004

tarash says
mein aue sall hain na
aap k jokes parne k leeay
Posted 22 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
sirf do admi woh bhi buje buje
Posted 22 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Leave a Message
boss dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the Boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," whispered the child. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed hushed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled giggle: "Me."

Posted 22 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Fill 'er Up
little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, "Mommy, my stomach hurts." Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!"

Later that day when the Evangelist and her husband were over for dinner. The Evangelist began to feel bad. Holding her head she said, "I have such a terrible headache!"

The little girl looked up at her giving her the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said,

"That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!"

Posted 22 Feb 2004

subha says
tarar786 said:

Thanks, mere Khayal mein aap k aur kabi kabi sal kay alawa koi bhi meri jokes naheen pardna chahta.







ahmmm hum bi hain
Posted 22 Feb 2004

subha says
SALL said:

jii nahi tarar uncle.. i think parhte sab hein but as they cant comment on 10 jokes at a time to bass iss liye
chupke chupke hanste hein



abhi i cant tell which one made me laff





bilkul yehi baat hay
Posted 22 Feb 2004

subha says
tarar786 said:

sirf do admi woh bhi buje buje





sirf buje nahi jaley buje tarar ji




gooooooooooooooooood work



Posted 22 Feb 2004

Ashii says
buje buje ???
wo kya
Posted 22 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
hahah, khohay khohay apne khyaloon mein gum shuda dil k sathhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Posted 24 Feb 2004

Ashii says
ohhhhh
how do u know
Posted 24 Feb 2004

tarash says
ab hum 3 ho gye aap kay jokes parhne k leeay
Posted 25 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Thanks
Posted 27 Feb 2004

tarar786 says
Little John and his classmates were learning the ABC's and suddenly he had to go to the restroom so he asked the teacher and the teacher said only in 1 condition if he said the ABC's. So he said a b c d e f g h i j k m n o q r s t u v w x y z and then the teacher asked were the "p" went and little John said "down my pants".
Posted 28 Feb 2004

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