tarar786
Age: 125
7987 days old here
Total Posts: 2636
Points: 0
Location:
China, China
The Funniest Matrimonial Ads
FISHERMAN Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
SALESMAN Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!
ECONOMIST I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
MATHEMATICIAN Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
IT CONSULTANT Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.
BUSINESS MAN Wife wanted for company.
POLITICIAN I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point)
CAR DEALER Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
FARMER Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
LAWYER I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
PILOT Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
BANKER Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
ACCOUNTANT Required a girl - 5'8' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
SHIRABI Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.
MINICAB DRIVER Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I'm calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.
BEGGAR Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee dey dey, Allah terah bullah kurrey, Tujhey eik key balley doh dey dey, Hillery hogi toh Monika bhi dey dey!
BUILDER Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
DOCTOR I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me.
ARMY COMMANDO My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.
RACE CAR DRIVER A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
ASTRONAUT I'm searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
tarar786
Age: 125
7987 days old here
Total Posts: 2636
Points: 0
Location:
China, China
There was this Filipino who had a very big truck. One day, he went to a coliseum to see a baseball game. All the parking spaces were taken except one which said "COMPACT".
He backed up to park in it, then a police officer came up to him and asked, "Sir, what are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm parking here."
The officer said, "Sir, you cannot park here it is a "COMPACT".
So, the guy left and came back, then he went to the same parking space to park. The officer is like "what are you doing sir? I told you it was compact!"
The guy said, "I know I did what you said I "COMPACT" I left and "COMPACT".
tarar786
Age: 125
7987 days old here
Total Posts: 2636
Points: 0
Location:
China, China
In an international Convention of coffee-producing nations, the Philippines proved it really has given something to the coffee world.
The Columbia delegate said: "We have the best coffee beans."
Remarked the Japanese representative: "Japan refined coffee production to make people enjoy coffee more."
The American delegate: "America has the best and the most number of brands of regular and instant coffee, supported by the most modern means of production."
Then the Filipino delegate stood up to proudly declare: "The Philippines invented the two-hour coffee break!!!"
tarar786
Age: 125
7987 days old here
Total Posts: 2636
Points: 0
Location:
China, China
A new Filipino immigrant was talking with a Canadian and he noticed that the Canadian had a wind burnt lip. So the Filipino asked the Canadian... "Hey buddy, it's beri cold eh? Even your lips is changing leather."
tarar786
Age: 125
7987 days old here
Total Posts: 2636
Points: 0
Location:
China, China
A Filipino pilot who became well known for his absent-mindedness was invited to pilot a new flying boat. The pilot had a good time flying. After spending a couple of hours in the air, the pilot decided that it was time to land. He was about to make a landing on the ground when his assistant reminded that they were supposed to land on the sea.
"Yes, I know. I was just testing you," answered the pilot. "I am not that absent-minded." So the flying boat made a safe landing on the water. Having accomplished this, the pilot, being proud for not committing a big mistake, opened the door and stepped into the sea.
tarar786
Age: 125
7987 days old here
Total Posts: 2636
Points: 0
Location:
China, China
A visiting Kapampangan kababayan was in New York City and it was a particularly windy day. He was standing by a bus stop when the wind blew and raised the skirt of a nice American lady standing near him.
He smiled at her (wanting to make conversation) and said, "It's hairy, isn't it?" (What he meant to say was that it was "airy" - mahangin or windy)
The American lady got mad and hit him with her umbrella and said, "Well, what did you expect - feathers?!"
