Teacher : Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have? Ted : $10. Teacher : You don't know maths. Ted : You don't know my father!
Mother : David, come here. David : Yes, mum? Mother : You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse. David : But I will only get my report book tomorrow. Mother : I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test? Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8 Father : So? Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. Son : If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
A mother and daughter were doing dishes while the father and son were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The son turned to look at his father.
Son : It's mummy! Father : How do you know? Son : She didn't say anything.
Old lady : Doctor, I've got a pain in my left leg. Doctor (after examining her) : It's caused by old age. Old lady : Nonsense. My right leg is all right and it's as old as the left leg.
Two men were facing each other on the train. First man : I know my hearing isn't that good, but I never thought this would happen. I must have gotten stone deaf. Here you have been talking to me for an hour and I can't hear a word. Second man : I wasn't speaking. I was only chewing gum.
X-balli
Age: 124
6357 days old here
Total Posts: 1776
Points: 0
Location:
United States, United States
Real Stories of the Non-Technical I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?" I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
"Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
"A little. What's wrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote control door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think that store would have a battery for this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the keys and manually unlocked the door, I said, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries? It's a long walk."
Tech Support: What does the screen say now? Caller: It says 'Hit ENTER when ready.' Tech Support: Well? Caller: How do I know when it's ready?
A man moved to New Mexico and called his credit company to change his address. When he told the girl where he was moving, she told him that she couldn't help him since they didn't issue cards outside of the United States!
My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?"
Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day, he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," she told him.
With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
One of our servers crashed. I was watching our new system administrator trying to restore it. He inserted a CD and needed to type a path name to a directory named "i386."
He started to type it and paused, asking me, "Where's the key for that line thing?"
I asked what he was talking about, and he said, "You know, that one that looks like an upside-down exclamation mark."
I replied, "You mean the letter 'i'?"
And he said, "Yeah, that's it!"
I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like it had been an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, and then went in back to make a sandwich.
Fairl_Girl
Age: 124
7531 days old here
Total Posts: 26920
Points: 0
Location:
Pakistan, Pakistan
Just imagine life without GIRLS the result === markets silent streets empty the police at rest All mobile companies in loss No SMS No flowers No candles No perfumes No travelling ALL THE MEN DIRECT TO HEAVEN
Fairl_Girl
Age: 124
7531 days old here
Total Posts: 26920
Points: 0
Location:
Pakistan, Pakistan
Santa meets Banta Santa: "so have you moved to a new house" Banta: "No." Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?" Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".
Mujrim
Age: 34
6600 days old here
Total Posts: 15304
Points: 0
Location:
Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Fairl_Girl said:
Just imagine life without GIRLS the result === markets silent streets empty the police at rest All mobile companies in loss No SMS No flowers No candles No perfumes No travelling ALL THE MEN DIRECT TO HEAVEN
kaash jeena mushkil kardia siwa kuch sweet larkiyon ne aap jaisi
X-balli
Age: 124
6357 days old here
Total Posts: 1776
Points: 0
Location:
United States, United States
Fairl_Girl said:
Just imagine life without GIRLS the result === markets silent streets empty the police at rest All mobile companies in loss No SMS No flowers No candles No perfumes No travelling ALL THE MEN DIRECT TO HEAVEN
X-balli
Age: 124
6357 days old here
Total Posts: 1776
Points: 0
Location:
United States, United States
WINDERS 98 MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.
It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
OK = ats aww-right cancel = hail no reset = awa shoot yes = shore no = Naaaa find = hunt-fer it go to = over yonder back = back yonder help = hep me out here stop = ternit off start = crank it up settings = sittins programs = stuff that does stuff documents = stuff I done done
Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
tiperiter................A word processor colering book............a graphics program addin mershene...........calculator scratch paper ...........notepad jupe-box ................CD Player inner-net................Microsoft Explorer pichers..................A graphics viewer IRS......................M/S accounting software IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files coon dog.................American kennel club records fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records. NRA......................National Rifle Association shot gun ................Remington Arms price list riffel...................Winchester price list pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file tax records..............usually an empty file shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code doc .....................veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.
X-balli
Age: 124
6357 days old here
Total Posts: 1776
Points: 0
Location:
United States, United States
Jock vs. Nerd
$ Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
$ If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
$ If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
$ He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
$ He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
$ He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
$ If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you 'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
$ He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
$ While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.
$ This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn't it? However...
$ If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.
Fairl_Girl
Age: 124
7531 days old here
Total Posts: 26920
Points: 0
Location:
Pakistan, Pakistan
Shayari from IT boss to Employee Arz kiya hai ......... Transactions hote hain ... Errors ka sama hota hai .... Aise mausam mein hi to PERFORMANCE jawan hota hai .... Dil ki khunnas BOSS jabaan se nahi kehte ... Ye fasana to appraisal mein bayan hota hai ....
Employee's reply in Shayari andaz ... Arz kiya hai ......... Promotion hote hain ... Dissappointment ka sama hota hai ... Aise mausam mein hi to Attrition jawan hota hai .. Dil ki khunnas HUM jabaan se nahi kehte ... Ye fasana to Resignation se bayan hota hai ....
Fairl_Girl
Age: 124
7531 days old here
Total Posts: 26920
Points: 0
Location:
Pakistan, Pakistan
Maine kaha "Dil Ruba" Usne kaha balance bhijwa Maine kaha "Paise Nahi" Usne kaha "Kaise nahi" Maine kaha "Mehangai Hai" Usne kaha "Ja aaj se tu mera bhai hai
Fairl_Girl
Age: 124
7531 days old here
Total Posts: 26920
Points: 0
Location:
Pakistan, Pakistan
Sadham meets kajol n asks her " how is ur life ?" , kajol says " Kabie khushi kabie gham!" n kajol asks Sadham " how about u? " n he says " kabie BUSH kabie BOMB"!!!!!!!
Fairl_Girl
Age: 124
7531 days old here
Total Posts: 26920
Points: 0
Location:
Pakistan, Pakistan
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen. After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
chotay karo takay mei khud involve hokay parhoo jee 
kaash jeena mushkil kardia siwa kuch sweet larkiyon ne aap jaisi 
